so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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