DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
