Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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