I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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