it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
