how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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