Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize