from now on my penis is your penis
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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