is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
