i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
