oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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