would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
that may or may not have been my penis.
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