She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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