my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
