Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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