Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
