Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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