Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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