I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
