this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
