Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
