I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
