I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
