dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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