I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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