It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
