hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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