Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
