I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
