just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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