i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
