She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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