so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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