Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk is not a location!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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