Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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