I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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