It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
