he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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