I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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