so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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