So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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