Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
