my phone needs a breathalizer
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
