I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
