And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
