Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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