So drunk its hurt
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
