My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
