He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
