That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
did you just send me my own nude
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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