everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
