you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
