just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
