are you so shy because you have an std?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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