So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
