So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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