So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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