She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
