i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
