Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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