he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
