you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
