just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
