So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
