I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
