Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What a dumb baby whore.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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