How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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