There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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