i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
