I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
