a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
