I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
