Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
even my farts smell like vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
