new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
