I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
