the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
