I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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