covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
