last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
