Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
