Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
