I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
