I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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