there's paper in my vomit.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
