Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
