you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
