I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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